would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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