she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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