If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
