Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
