anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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