one two three fourrrrnication!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
