People with herpes should wear stickers.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
