I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
