We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
