i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
