Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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