Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
