he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
