I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Drunk is not a location!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
