he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
