I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
