she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
