the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
