I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
