in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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