Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
