Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
