the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
