My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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