doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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