ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
