oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
