Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
