Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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