**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wish life had little blips of pornography
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
