I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
