i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
