I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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