If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
