My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
