I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
