Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
