What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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