But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
