do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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