i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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