dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
