woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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