You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She's the barista slut.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
