found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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