OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
