I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
