but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
birth control should be required to get into college
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
