I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
