is your mom at the bar?
Where is the hickey?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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