she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
