is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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