well you can't waste a boner
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
